A penny for my thought

Happy New Year 2012!

2012-01-25T02:34:00.002+05:30

Happy New Year 2012!

Hope this New Year brings lots andlots of good things for everyone!

They say a person who hoards things is a lonely person...

Are all the people whose hobbies are to collect things, lonely?

I didn't realise it but lately...

This reminds me of my best friend who loved to collect small and cutecollectible figurines...

Was she so lonely?

All the signs were there....

Day before yesterday- 22nd of January 2012, it was her birthday...

I have a new addiction: collecting cameras! I don’t have many but I don’teven need that many! But I LOVE cameras…they intrigue me! I am scared that Imay actually like them more than photography…? Noooooooooooooo….. Not true…

I am becoming a hoarder! Errrrrrrrr...........

This year I am going to be a MUCH much much better person...Amen!

Chinguya Happy Birthday.
I will love you till the end... Miss you sooooo much!!!

DaeSung- Lunatic

2011-12-03T19:28:00.001+05:30

Hmmmmm......
I am so happy because my favourite DaeSung from Big Bang has come up with his song Lunatic an OST from his drama 'What's Up'.
The song explains me.... :) I LOVE this song!~
Check the video here and the English translated lyrics:

DaeSung- Baby Don't Cry

Dreams: The forest of no return

2011-11-27T02:11:00.001+05:30

Last night around 12.00AM, my motherwoke up and called out for me from her room. Seem like she had a bad dream. Sheasked me to sleep with her and she looked worried. She told me that she saw abad dream. In her dream, she saw that she was crossing a deep river. She was crossingthe river one step at a time by checking the depth of the river with a bamboopole. I was following behind her. She moved to quite a distance and in a momentI fell into the river. While I was struggling, she gave me the bamboo pole tohold on to but I could not hold on to it and was going under. Desperately shewas crying out for me, and this is when she woke up and called out for me….

I had some work to do on the net, soI cajoled her to sleep and got back to my work. Later around 2 AM, I went to sleep withher. I lay beside her and tried to sleep but I couldn’t sleep or did I sleep?Something held me down and I couldn’t breath. I was falling into an abyss. I struggledto breath and for a moment I felt (imagined) a shadow on the foot of the bed.Someone was hurting my left arm. I fought hard and tried to push away theentity. I woke up after a great attempt and switched on the extra light andprayed. I prayed for a peace of mind to Buddha and slept.

Dreams! Lucid dreaming can bedisturbing and sometimes exhilarating.

I believe that (some) dreams are awindow to our sub consciousness. They mirror our deeper conscience and beliefs.Dreams are metaphor of truth. Her dream shows her concern over me. It tells metwo things: no matter how hard she tries, she is losing me to adulthood and itworries her that even her last born is not a kid anymore. Another meaning wouldbe that no matter how hard she tries, she is in fact losing me (into my space).Drowning in a dream symbolizes deep worry, sadness and loss. I understand thatdeep down she knows that she feels she is fighting a hopeless case and yet shehas faith in me…

At times I feel likerunning…running…running and never stopping. I imagine a scene where I amrunning and running and running towards the end of a cliff. I run and fall offthe cliff. I am falling and falling and falling…. into nothingness….

There is a place called ‘the forestof no return’ in my dreams. The name is inspired from a recurring dream from mychildhood which I saw almost every year after returning to my boarding school fromthe summer vacation. Like every other children, I suffered from homesickness. Inmy dream I saw that it was school vacation and my family had come to pick me inmy father’s green jeep. On the way to Basar (my home town), I ask my father tostop the jeep so that I can get down and pee. I go into the forest to pee. The forest is dense,dark and deep. While I am in the jungle, my family leaves without me in thegreen jeep. I feel scared and lost and I am unable to get out of the forest.The more I move towards the opening, the forest stretches further and it gets thicker,darker and scarier. A sense of doom lingers on and with this my dream is broken.Over the years, I realized that this dream significantly showed my fears ofbeing abandoned. I was afraid of being deserted by my family and I saw a no wayout of my school….majorly I felt confused, lonely and lost throughout thoseyears….

I really hope I don’t drown in thestruggles of life…as it is, lately I’m feeling the blues again. I need toaddress a part of me I guess: depression....

Moto:

I will dream of a better day, abetter future and a better life. I will make those dreams come true by livingit! :) CHEERS~

*Click on the photo for an enlarged view. This illustration was influenced from my one such dream.

Who am I?!!!

2011-11-14T18:17:00.001+05:30

My life hasstarted to look very filmy lately. Everything is dramatic and over the top. If someonehas to write on it would appear be a tragic –horror- action filled suspense!

I hate howlittle things are affecting me a lot lately on personal level. I am becoming a villain;cruel, scary, unpredictable, psychopath and antisocial. The Midas effect has gone wrong; everything I touch now, it rots. A negative person stares back at me in the mirror. The funny thing is that I don’t even recognizemyself! It is scary! It is like someone else has intruded my body.

Who am I?!!!

Changes...

2011-10-06T17:54:00.000+05:30

My days has been quite eventful recently... Finally I found some time to write... The season is changing and my body is already responding to it. I have sore throat and is feelings kind of ill since last 2 days...

Now is the time to introspect and plan for the days ahead.

Well, some time back I applied for a job and I didn't get it. I also didn't qualify for the State Administrative Exam, which was as it is predicted. And for the first time in my life, my mother showed some disappointments....it is embarrassing.

I have been feeling very good lately... After a long time all of my family members got together and on 1st October, we celebrated Abo (father) and Anyi Kendy's (elder sister) birthdays together, and on 5th we celebrated Achi Kenmar's (oldest brother) birthday together... It feels so nice to see all of us together and happy...

Things are changing rapidly for me. I have great business plans which I am planning to initiate soon. A.O.D is getting some makeover. This is the time for great excitement and detail planning... I love to initiate and plan and work towards a task but after the task is completed, I have difficulty maintaining equilibrium. I have lot to learn...

The season is changing and it feels good to have someone special on my mind but at the same time it feels sad to know that it will never happen for me/ us...

I have few new resolutions: To act* mature, be more diligent and sincere towards my career....I must also give myself some credit for my hard work. Top on my list is to go on dates.... hehehehehe.... that is important... I am not getting any younger...

Dancing thoughts...

2011-09-23T00:09:00.003+05:30

Lermontov: Why do you want to dance?
Vicky: Why do you want to live?
Lermontov: Well, I don't know exactly why, but... I must.
Vicky: That's my answer too.
- from the film The Red Shoe (1948)

Over the rainbow

2011-09-17T02:24:00.001+05:30

Some dreams are so beautifully sad...
I woke up crying this morning...

Somewhere over the rainbow- Judy Garland (The Wizard of Oz)

Somewhere over the rainbow

Way up high,

There's a land that I heard of

Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow

Skies are blue,

And the dreams that you dare to dream

Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star

And wake up where the clouds are far

Behind me.

Where troubles melt like lemon drops

Away above the chimney tops

That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow

Bluebirds fly.

Birds fly over the rainbow.

Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly

Beyond the rainbow

Why, oh why can't I?

I wonder what's really up there...A parallel world? A world that co-exists with ours...?

What happens when someone dies? Where do they go?

Durie told me that the dead pets go across the rainbow bridge...

Across the bridge, there is a meadow where they wait for us to join them...

What about people? Will I see her again across the meadow with my lost ones?

Is it the pink meadow that I saw in my dream once?

It was so beautiful and enchanting which was beyond this world...

Pink light spread across the never ending meadow...

It had a narrow path leading to a glass house...

On the side of the path there were three large round barrel like wind mills with high fox grasses...

The glass house was like a museum and the keeper had fair skin, light hair and blue eyes

The exit led to a railway platform which had counters for air bookings and railways tickets

Few people were lined up for air tickets and others were boarding the train...

Was it a soul train? Something like the train from "Spirited away- Hayao Miyazaki"....

It must have been...

I saw her last standing on the bridge but last night I met her again!

I felt the warmth of her back... I even got to say sorry...
I wonder where she is...

Talking to myself

2011-09-12T16:09:00.000+05:30

Being alone for a long time can make one self centred...I just hope I don't come across as someone very obnoxious!
I've got APPSC exam coming on 25th but I can't study..... just can't study.

The dryness of autumn can do something to the heart and the chilliness of winter just adds to the feeling…
Autumn is nearing and so is winter….

Dedicated to all the lonely souls: 2NE1’s Lonely.

Mp3 Download here : 2NE1- Lonely

Video Download here: 2NE1- Lonely

Lyrics here- 2NE1- Lonely

BONUS Video...for all the hurting lonely souls...

2NE1- It Hurts...

Dull moments

2011-09-12T13:52:00.010+05:30

Funny how this blog is turning into a depressive personal diary of mine; full of anger and sadness... Rants and more rant…It is turning all dark and gloomy…

This was not my intentions initially…I wanted to share my “creative” inputs but I guess the temptation to confide to the unknown world is just so great…

So, here I am!

On a brighter side, on a suggestion of a friend I want to attend Vipassana class in Mumbai. I’ll go after November. Also I’ll try to look for Psychotherapist/ Hypnotherapist especially one who practices 'Past Life Regression Therapy' because I’ve been interested in attending such a class since I read ‘Many Lives, many masters by Dr. Brian Weiss’.

I have always been tempted to give everything up and become a nun and seek peace and greater understanding but material world and relationships are very 'binding' also "The Living has a job to live"

Photo: Dull moments...seducing the camera; my best friend.

Living has to live...

2011-08-24T02:43:00.003+05:30

Life is like an Xtra-Large jigsaw puzzle board.
The puzzle pieces are put together one by one which reveals half a picture or rather shows a glimpse of our yesteryear....By the end when the puzzles are put together, our journey of life is completed and it is time to move on...
Looking back, when I put together the sequences of my life, a pattern is revealed. I get it now why some things happened. I see the bigger picture here; a story being webbed and revealed part by part...
As I live on the puzzle board just extends and as time passes by the missing puzzles come together to reveal yet another story in conclusion to the previous one. And the story is not yet finished...

Dogs just bite, humans kill

2011-06-28T11:41:00.000+05:30

Growing up is tough. I was always a rebellious idealist with great many causes but growing made me comply with my surrounding; social norms, orders and expectations. I have become what I feared; a bystander. I stand here as I observe things once precious to me fading into obscurity, a past thing. I have become common.

Humans are unpredictable and hard to understand. There is no far worse mystery than a man. Man has gifts; power to make a good change. He has the ability to love and give. But the mystery is that they do just the opposite!

I am rattling here because my neighbour killed 2 of his dogs just because they bit a man. Aren’t we already a bitten race? Man biting man? Who will kill the neighbour for killing the dogs? Dogs just bite, humans kill.

Poor powerless creatures: dogs.

I wonder how it feels like putting the knife through two family members who were part of the family for 6 long years. The two defended and protected the family during the nights and gave their unconditional love to the children during the day. They hardly complained when they were chained out in the sun and rain.

How was it like to betray those undying trust that you see in every dogs’ eyes? Doesn’t it defy all norms of humanity? Didn’t he abuse his power?

It may be hard for some to understand this, but now as I see my dog sleeping on her back with her legs spread in the air, she looks calm, full of trust with no threat in the air. I assure you, seeing her, my heart knows only pure love. She has the ability to move my heart in a way that no matter what it takes I want to be always there for her; protecting and loving her.

But now, I am sad to the point that I am angry. I am angry at my own self. I feel frustrated and powerless against others. I am ashamed of my self and my race. I am just like anybody else. I see my neighbour in me; cruel, heartless, coward, murderer, trencher and a lay bystander. I feel so small. I am weak and powerless. I am just too afraid to make an enemy out of a person. I can’t even stand up for what I believe in leave alone standing up for others. Life holds no meaning now without any aim…

I am looking for answers…

What can I do at times like this?

Am I agreeing too much?

I don’t like conflicts: within me and with others.

Why, am I a coward?

Am I running away from my responsibility as a human being?

How can I initiate things without conflicts?

How can I be the voice of the voiceless beings?

What should I do?

What can I do?

unknowing

2011-06-13T00:26:00.001+05:30

Is death really the ultimate truth?

Is there more to it like the Hindus and Buddhists believes?

Life after death: is it a shit made up by few to pacify the rest of us?

How ignorant we are!

…Is ‘knowing’ important?

Why did Buddha want to know?

Why is it hard to know?

Why can’t we all ‘know’ as well?!

Was Buddha lying when he declared that he ‘knows’…

Will ‘knowing’ enlighten us all?

Will all of us be free of pain and sorrow if we acquire the ‘greater understanding’?

Why don’t I ‘know’?!
Why can't I 'know' ?!

What is the ‘ultimate truth’?

Isn’t the ultimate truth, death?

So knowing it, the ultimate truth?

Or is there more to it….?

Redeeming the past sins...

2011-06-13T00:06:00.002+05:30

...those tiny moments, when you want to end it all...those lingering moments of regret...those passionate burst of emotions...but then there is a tiny little voice inside your head telling you, "this shall pass away like always". But you know well enough that it will return some other day".

But what if the time freezed at that moment….?

Random Access Memory

2011-05-01T14:58:00.003+05:30

Someone once told me that she wished that she had few episodes of her memory erased. I told her memories: good or bad, happy or sad, makes us and defines us.
But I've been a complete fool for she actually erased all her memories...

=============================
For the last few days, I have been living like a zombie.
It feels like, a cotton has been stuffed into my head.
Like I am wading through thick woolly clouds...
Nothing feels right, nothing is clear to me...
I am confused most of the time.

It's like a part of me is dead.
I feel less, I sense less...
I am angry to the point that I go numb...
I am sad to the point that I have no more tears left...
My heart is lost to the point that I feel hopeless...
It's like part of my emotions are paralysed...
I am living or dead...I don't know...

I need to move away...
=================================
Why did she do it?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....................

Cold and Coffee

2010-12-04T17:03:00.000+05:30

I am having cold and has low health these days...
Itanagar, the temperature is dropping and it's getting colder...
I am here after a long long time, to rant!
People are getting colder as the days...
I've been through a lot these past few months...things happened in such a flash, I am again lost in the midst of all this pile of events.
I started a new business venture: A.O.D aka Art of Dressing, a boutique of mine.
I've got great many well wishers and also equal jealous mongers amongst those.
I am happy for the gain and sorry to the losers.
Keeping my Christmas spirit alive I want to smile and laugh more in future...
Hope everything begins beautifully in 2011!

Aha! Talking about the losers...those people who doesn't credit others for their help are bigger losers for they just mere thieves! LOL ;)

Bubu-1's song...

2010-06-19T00:47:00.005+05:30

I hear the cries of my little one
Painful and sorrowful
The eyes that looked at me
With love and longing
Haunting my memory for a name
I stretch my hand into the hollow frame
All I get is a fading dust

Night lulls a sad song
Wishes and prayers turned to smog
Traces of once a laughing child
Still left on the earth
Tears pour as I whiff a familiar smell
Memories recoils to form a game
And I am swallowed into the play

So cold and still lay my love
I call your name a thousand times
Sing you lullaby to be gone in peace
Pray you hear me through your sleep
Cries that still echoes through my heart
Hush...my sleeping one
Mama will come for you soon again!

The world's a mockery
To my face, they laugh
For mortals don't know
What it is to love
A mother's dreams has come to fall
I kiss you a million goodbyes...
Rest in peace my love ~

In memory of Bubu-1 who died due to Parvo Virus infection. He was a very brave soul till the end...such pain....my heart breaks every time I think of him... rest in peace my love...

All wrong me

2009-07-12T17:08:00.002+05:30

Life can be cruel at times. It’s hard.
I get greedier and greedier and wanting for more and more. How much more can life give? I am not sure. I am just a greedy fellow with my wants as big as the universe. I am saddened by everything; my unfulfilled wishes and wants. I am always in pain. Moksha seems like a distant dream. I am so tangled with my worldly desires that I have lost my real self. I am brimming with greed and hatred and misfortune. I want to end all but I am confused. My mind has stopped working long ago and my inner voice is as confused as me. I need to find my centre. I have the answer to everything and yet I am all wrong. I know my centre is me; the real me; the inner me; my soul. But I am loosing ground and I am falling, falling into an abyss of everything that’s negative.
I need to hold on to something...fast...I am falling...

Already?!

2009-07-12T17:03:00.003+05:30

I feel the wind changing,

The leafs softly rustling,

Crumbling gently to the ground,

Twigs breaking,

A weight on the ground,

A thud sound!

My heart is restless

Something’s happening

Do I hear someone coming?

Do I hear footsteps?

Is he here; my prince charming?

Already?

Love, it’s just the autumn!

A Peter Pan's gone...

2009-07-08T15:03:00.003+05:30

Circa: July 08 2009

Micheal Jackson is dead. The king of pop died on 25 June 2009 and it feels like yesterday; everyday the news has something about him. Yesterday was his memorial service in USA. I coudn't watch it on TV because of power cut, here in Delhi.

Peter Pan is gone to his Neverland, atlast. May he rest in peace...

Sepia fading to Black & White

2009-03-28T15:19:00.003+05:30

Torn and weathered edges of the old photo once shot in monochromes- B & W turned sepia over the years. The half faded picture with old/odd characters documents a history and narrates a story but the piece of paper itself has a lot more to tell… crisscross lines runs on most of the photo deciding their own fate like the lines on our palm…

The warm undertone of orange and yellow has such a desirable effect on us; evoking strong feelings- The deep shades of black and contrasts of white imprints on our memory.
The paper has an emotional effect one me which often takes me down memory lane. Old photos tattering on the edges, once Black & White but turned yellow over the years, outlines and faces on the photo fading by the years, which when held in hand often creates a magic, a feeling so powerful that it often amazes me.

I like to look at my mother’s old albums and our childhood photos and reflect on bygone memories from the past which are so warm and comforting. Most pictorial depictions on print and television media of bygones are depicted in sepias only for the sheer magic it possess in moving human hearts.

I wonder whether the digital photos of today shot with digital cameras, mobile phones, web cams, etc with its rich and deep colours still play on our minds in the future and leave any imprint on the coming generations….

Peter Pan suffering from quarter life crisis!

2009-02-26T21:07:00.011+05:30

The other day my friend Pops and I were discussing about quarter life crisis. We both are now in the most crucial point of our life: a crossroad which will lead us to our paths henceforth. This tentative period is exciting but also brings in great confusions and unrests.
November and December brought a transient bout of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) syndrome in me. It’s when the falling of the first autumn leaf makes me sad, setting of the sun brings about a feeling of doom and when the quiver of the violin breaks my heart and not to mention watching a Korean tragic drama on those lonely- foggy- wintry- cold- grey days which makes me reach for another pack of tissues. I am not exaggerating.
Seasonal Affective Disorder is when one feel depressed with the changing of weather/ season especially during the winters when it gets cold and dark during the day and not enough sunlight. Unfortunately we women happen to get affected by it more than men. Women are moody people and to think of it even men are, so basically we human beings are moody people.
These days I am at my serene best.
Coming back to quarter life crisis, my problem is deep. Unlike most people I happen to have Peter Pan Syndrome, it’s when a person doesn’t want to grow up. The term ‘Peter Pan Syndrome’ was termed by Dr. Dan Kiley after the character Peter Pan ‘the boy who wouldn’t grow up’ from JM Barrie’s story Peter Pan.
In my opinion, Peter Pan Syndrome is more hypothetical than other psychological syndromes; it has no fixed definitions or symptoms unlike other psychological syndromes.
As for me, I just don’t like the diasporas of getting older and acting in different manner and doing things that grown ups do. The comfort of the childhood is too hard to give up!
Reading this some may quickly jump to conclusion thinking that I may be childish, immature and shun responsibilities but oddly I don’t. I am responsible and quite capable but yes I am a great procrastinator. See, I want to even procrastinate getting older!
I have a lot of baggage and at this age and time I have a lot many things to consider. It’s an irony because I have two extreme situations, one is quarter life where I have huge responsibilities towards myself and my family in terms of career and personal growth and on the other side I just want to cuddle up and suckle a lollypop*!
*Just a figure of speech, I prefer chocolates to lollypops any day. ^___^

A torn page from Grimm brothers' book

2008-11-07T18:58:00.019+05:30

At the far corner of the garden,
Among the high hedges of bougainvillea,
There is a tiny clearing where I ensconce.

There lies a stool and table of white marble,
Shaded by a lone apple tree,
Looks like a picture from “Homes and garden”.

The place smell of lilacs and lavenders,
Tiny creatures abuzz the area nonchalantly,
You might mistake them for fairies!

Enchanted and often lost in random thoughts,
I pluck grasses with my feet and,
Try catching escaping rays from the tree.

In a place like this the imagination comes alive,
Pen and pad keeps my pace here and,
A torn page from Grimm brother’s book.

(A childish poem that felt like jotting down (*.*)

☺Joke- My mother and the closet☺

2008-11-07T14:02:00.006+05:30

Good afternoon~
Yesterday evening my mother and my second Sister-in-law were watching “Saas-Bahu” serial (Hindi family drama) and when I walked in to join them the power went off. My mother urgently wanted to go to toilet so she waded into the dark, opened the closet door and walked in. She was very confused as she was pushing the shelves and demanding why the door is blocked! The very moment power returned and we caught her standing inside the closet, to say we caught her in her own drama! Hehehe…

☺

Monologue: eureka moments (diary of self)

2008-10-02T23:36:00.002+05:30

I am 20+yrs (still not telling my age) old girl (lady). I am in my prime, I mean I am now old enough to fend for myself, find a job, live on my own, be independent, find a boyfriend or a husband, have kids, blah…blah… Sometimes I find my own self amusing; still single and living with my parents with an uncertain college degree and an equally uncertain future. Time like this comes when I start thinking about my life in general and regret most of the time. I realise my past were moments of mediocrity when I could have tried harder.
I am not a richer person by past experiences; I still fault a lot and am a bitter person most of the time because of it. I’ve got multiple ghosts to fight almost everyday leaving me tired and weary. All I need is a little push to walk the extra mile, thanks to my preconditioned mind and body. It is hard to break the mould and evolve into something I only dream of. This makes me realise that I could be the laziest person on this planet! Is this a Eureka moment? I guess so, but an unpleasant one. It feels worse to realise that one is not as good as one imagines the self to be. Ego is a fragile thing.

Arcadia (utopia)

2008-10-01T20:01:00.000+05:30

I close my eyes and hum a tune fixed on my mind
I am taken to place where I imagine to be
Wide open meadow, high grass, sun, wind and the smell of fresh grass
I sway past the towering grasses, catching few dry leaves in my dress
The wind combs my hair in all direction as though playing with it
I feel beautiful, young and free
Wish I could live here forever
Run wild and free among the tall grasses and never stop
I smile looking up at the sky; the sun feels so smooth on my face
Symphonies of nature playing its vibrant colours
My fingers strum the grass and music is made
If I die now and reborn in a place like this, I wish I would then...

On forgetting...

2008-08-15T23:41:00.009+05:30

Today my mother said something which left me thinking until now. She said it’s good that we forget; forgetting is a very valuable remedy of living which we tend to overlook. In her exact words she said something like, “we have incidences and they become memories and with passing of time we tend to forget them. If we never forgot it would have been difficult to live because the sad and unhappy memories would make life impossible to carry on. I could move on with my life after my grandmother passed away because her memories have faded over the time but if the memories were still fresh I might have died too”. Saying this she looked unhappy…

Memories are vague reminisces of the past but they do still touch our heart, be it good memories or unhappy ones. We are product of our past; today we are because of our past experiences (actions). Our personality and outlook is shaped by our past experience. But it is also good that we have the unique power of forgetting which most of don’t realise. We blame ourselves when we forget but just think otherwise, what if we never forgot? What if the memories were still fresh in our mind of our past trauma, despair, sadness, bad incidences, lost of someone dear, our first love, etc? The world would have been full of manic depressive people and not a cheerful soul!

Forgetting is a beautiful gift as remembering...

Sky: The rock star.

2008-08-02T17:30:00.006+05:30

This morning all of sudden, the sky shook with mighty force, roaring like hundred hungry lions. Lightning cut through the sky like the samurai blade; momentary blinding brightness. The thunder preceded the rain fall, which sounded like thousand chimes shattering on earth. Everytime the thunder struck the ground shook; I was fascinated at once but scared the next.
My heart paced with the drumming of the sky and everytime the sky cracked I jumped with fear. My parents’ scurried around the house arousing everyone to be on their guard just incase the lighting strike the house down.
My rooms felt like a large empty movie theatre, surrounded with huge Dolby surround music system; drumming and jangling. The sky: the rock star beat the drums (sky) and cymbals (rainfall) like a mad man.

Doors and secrets

2008-07-23T21:02:00.001+05:30

Within the maze of doors
Lies a deep secret
It’s not for you or me to know
Curtains after curtains
Rolls of satins and silks
Hide the secrets deep
Something dark and unknown
Evokes feelings of fear
Rotting wood and falling walls
House to the rodents and humans
A guest looms unknown
Will never tell the secrets that’s not to be told
Jargons of patterns on the floor
Leads you to the inner door
Walls end yet secrets remain hidden
Silence looms and something hums
Well you know it’s the secret hymns
Doors and secrets

Monsoon Diary: Passing thoughts...

2008-07-21T14:31:00.004+05:30

It has been raining non-stop for days together, casting a grey shadow and creating a lull ambience. At the outset of monsoon, I was so glad. I could barely keep my hands out of the window. But now my ears are tired of the cacophony of splatters and drumming of the sky. I am just waiting for the sun to shine though the murky clouds.
All old memories are piling up one another making me melancholic and nostalgic. I have been typing non-stop gibberish on my screen ever since, nothing creative can be created but sad memories etched again. I have written million silly-corny-mushy poems only to make me cringe in shame when I reread it. Thank god, I’ve got the delete button to save my embarrassed self.
Coffee keeps me company during the day and at night I guzzle cups of chamomile tea to help me sleep, only to go to bathroom in periods. I have become insomniac and restless, but my sanity is still intact. My room is piled with clutters from Delhi. My disorganised mind is blatantly displayed in my room. Books are lying everywhere, not because I love to read but because I couldn’t decide which one to read.
Autumn is on my mind- cool breeze, dry leaves, crackling twigs, smell of burnt leaves, onset winter chill and a face. In the fall we must meet, so I have much to rejoice. My heart is filled with spring song and summer sun, even though the rain won’t stop.
Why! I love monsoon. Monsoon opens the box of memories of bygone years and gives me hope of love and bliss of coming time.
Bed and blanket are beckoning me with a book under the pillow. It’s tempting so I must stop what I am doing and slumber off with the book…

Ash of my lover's name:

2008-07-18T21:32:00.005+05:30

Waltzing time, twirl round and round
Berserk I run trying to catch the evanescence
All I grab is a dry leaf from last spring
Frail and brown, it lay silently dead
A lover’s name was once written on it
Nothing's left but brittle bones and faded ink
The dead leaf awaits its cremation
The palm plays the morgue
With a tiny crackle, the essence goes
I outstretch my hand to release the ash
The wind comes to take the remains
Specks of cinders sting my eyes
Teary eyes watch with a looming silence
Ash of my lover’s name vanishing into the air

Morning tea

2008-07-18T15:06:00.000+05:30

Round and round I stir the spoon
Slice of lemon tangs the yellow tea
Dash of honey sugars the tea brown
It’s a little wonder to behold the sight!

Passing madness

2008-07-18T14:51:00.000+05:30

Mad dark horse running through my mind
Reigns are loose and so are my thoughts
Abstract thoughts tied in tight knots
Some pieces lost from the jigsaw memory
Lost in the labyrinthine maze; brain?
Hah! Crazy thoughts, haunting ghosts
Visions clouded by spectrum of colours
I float like the nautical cork, up and down
Ah! A passing madness

Passing thought-

2008-07-18T14:15:00.001+05:30

I got many shoes, nothing fits right.
What should I do?

Scent:

2008-04-05T21:59:00.002+05:30

Memories buried deep in my heart
Evokes within mist of scent
A feeling of dejavu makes me nostalgic
Scent of wood and orange
Reminds me of warm childhood
Scent of musk and lavender
Reminds me of my youth
Scent of honey and tea
Reminds me of today